Someone asked me this in a recent satsang: "I feel like I'm conditioned to be rushing and doing things quicker than they need to be.. what am I afraid will happen if I slow down?"

I don't know what it is for you.. but I can guess. What we do consistently becomes a habit. Do it long enough and it's conditioned, and then it just feels like who I am. It becomes part of our identity.

Here's a random example of how the machine wires itself up, and I don't know what it is for you without a conversation.. rushing meant productive, productive meant liked and accepted, and accepted felt like being loved. Take off all the middle bits and join a straight line to it: rushing equals feeling loved. So if you're not rushing, that's a threat to your identity and who you believe you are.. and underneath that, most likely, it's love in some way. We're all wired for love.

Then there's the other part, which is simpler. You've rushed all your life, so not rushing is new. It's the unknown, and nobody really wants to step into the unknown without something predictable to hold onto. And there's a vigilant part in the background going, hmm, are you sure? Because rushing worked for you.

When the pieces are resettling, it's unsettling. It's scary. It's new. You're going, oh my God, are the pieces going to land in the right place for me? I need control. And that's part of growth.. that's an expansion. When a child grows they say growing pains. Bones growing, muscles growing. It's not comfortable. It's not growing comfort, is it.. it's growing pains.

So what to do about it, even though you didn't ask.. let the pieces settle. Give it some space and time.

Chapters

00:00 The habit of rushing
01:10 Rushing equals love
03:12 The mind's wiring
04:51 The fear of the unknown
06:22 The vigilant mind
08:44 Let it settle

Questions answered in this episode

Why am I always rushing, even when nothing is urgent? Because rushing stopped being something you do and became something you are. Practised long enough, a habit turns into part of your identity.

Why can't I slow down? What's under threat is your identity, and the love you unconsciously wired to being productive.

Why does slowing down feel so uncomfortable? You've never done it this way before, so slowing down means stepping into the unknown, and the mind wants something predictable to hold onto.

Is that unsettled feeling a sign something is wrong? No. Shake a snow globe and everything's stirred up for a while before it settles. The pieces are resettling in a new configuration.

Why does part of me resist slowing down even when I want to? There's a vigilant part in the background going, hmm, are you sure? Because rushing worked for you. It kept you accepted. It isn't going to hand that over quietly.

About this episode

This answer came from a live satsang, an open question and answer session that Dylan Ayaloo holds every Friday at 6:30pm inside the free Elevate Community on Skool. You bring the question, we look at it together.

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep60-the-rush-habit
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